For not leaving me alone.

Yesterday I had an appointment that filled me with dread.  I was anxious, stressed, and worried.  I sat in the waiting room, fidgeting and tapping my fingers. Checking Facebook.  Re-checking Facebook in case anything changed from 30 seconds earlier.  Wiggling.  Unable to sit still.  And finally I said screw it, and posted a status update that was just a little raw.  It was where I was at - scared, terrified, and watching an oncoming train directed straight at my kids and not having the power to stop it.

Then I put my phone on silent and the meeting started. 

I sat for an hour and a half re-living things that died four years ago.  Things I don't care much to talk about.  Abuse.  Betrayal.  Abandonment.  Pain.  Denial.  And grief that cut like a knife. 

That stuff could all just die as far as I'm concerned. 

My kids and I are safe, happy, settled, content.....moved on.  Why bring up old crap? 

"In Washington state parents rights trump kids rights.....even convicted sex offenders can still get visitation."

Oh.

That's why I'm here.  

So I'm doing everything I can to give my kids the best life I can right now.  Though it's far off in the distance there's a chance that this peaceful home and settled-ness we have in the moment may not last. 

I hope not.  I pray it never comes to that. 

But it may.  

When I left the meeting I looked at my phone.  Not one, not two, but dozens of messages, texts and Facebook comments had lit up my phone.  

"Praying!!!!" 

"Can I do anything" 

"What's going on?"

"God is with you!"

"Psalm 91."

and many more.....thank you.  

Thank you all for being my friends.  For believing in me.  For praying for me. For defending me. For those many mornings spent in courtrooms holding my hand.  And those many hours listening to my exasperated venting.  For the unpublished editorials that were written and sent in defending me and my babies. For reminding me that God is bigger than money.  For the times I've gone to pay bills and discovered someone somewhere paid a bill for me.  For the times food has been provided when I had none.  For the surprise birthday parties.  For the help with my nemesis - the laundry.   For the men in my life that give my boys a Godly example of a man.  For the women that try and guide me towards being a more Godly mother.  For the many girls nights full of laughter.  For all the inside jokes we share.  For the dinners that make my life so much more simple.  For all of the hugs. For the cleaning and organizing.   For the times you've all helped me relocate.  For the coffees.  For the late-night movies.  For the help with childcare.  For the hand-me-down cloths.  For the hand-me-down furniture.  For asking.  For caring.  For never letting me forget that I'm not alone in this fight.  

Despite this battle.  Despite this journey. I am abundantly blessed to have you all in my life. 

Thank you.