Settled

I've had one of those weeks.  Not a bad week.  Not a good week. Just kind of a in-the-middle week.  Maybe it was the caffeine withdrawals that made it this rather foggy and not very many ups and downs kind of way.  Or maybe it's just that life had been so bi-polar for me that an average week just kinda feels a little strange.  Normalcy? I don't know what that is.  

I do know something kinda profound though that I finally realized today as I was cleaning my house.

I'm settled.

This is a kinda of a female thing here so bear with me. 

When my ex and I bought our house in 2006 I made it a home.  I painted every wall, hung over 200 photos, made and bought curtains, garage-saled for furniture and it was just "us."  From the black and white canvases on the wall of the family, to the messiness of the office, to the damask curtains, in the living room, to the abundance of lemon decor that littered every spare inch of my ginormous kitchen.  It was home. 

When we finally got out of it, we stayed at a shelter for domestic violence victims. Of course that wasn't home for me.  Then we stayed with my family as I tried to get into a home.  We lived out of suitcases from August until the end of January, and when we finally unpacked in our new place I thought "maybe this is it."

But I never settled.

We stayed there for a year and a half.  When I moved in my next door neighbor was dealing (of course I never actually SAW this happen....but the never ending stream of Cadillacs through our driveways was a good indicator).  He left and two registered sex offenders joined the area.  Then two women with a steady stream of different men every night (no comment) moved into the two houses adjacent to mine.  Then I found out my ex was living in close proximity to me.  Then one of my neighbors informed me that he caught a man spying on me through my window.  And that was the last straw.  

So we moved.  And then moved again.

This place I'm in now, it's the third house I've lived in since my divorce started.  It's small.  It's secluded.  It's peaceful. It's affordable.

It's not quite as decorated as I want, but some photos are up, some curtains too.  I bought a (used) couch and a new rug, painted my garage sale coffee tables new colors and suddenly it feels like it's mine. 

My budget says I can stay here and afford it and actually live a little instead of just survive.

It feels peaceful.  We feel safe.  Lord willing no monsters will come and take this from us.  

I'm excited to see what God has for our future.  But for right now? This is a good place to be and I hope it lasts.