My Game Changer

Months ago I stumbled onto this blog post from Ann Voskamp's blog "A Holy Experience."  If you're my facebook friend you already know how much I love this woman's writing.  But this post in particular hit a home run for me. (Seriously....go read it.)  I cried the first time I read it, and the second, and the third.  I was moved by the courage of her husband, her conviction in raising her son, and her ability to say it like it is - "to stay silent is to let perpetrators perpetuate."

I'm not here to talk about perpetrators and rape though, I'm here to talk about the heart of the post - raising a boy to honor women.

The thing I'm struggling with and I'm bringing before my readers (all 2 of them) is this: How do I, as a single mom teach my boys what it is to honor a woman?  What sort of example am I setting before them?

I haven't been a great example in the past. 

 I pray that the memories my oldest boy has of the way I allowed myself to be treated in years past fade and are lost. My heart would shatter if he followed that path.  That said, my kids have a great example in my father, if my boys grow up to treat a woman like he treats my mother we'll be in good shape.  

But what about my part?

I have to say that I've been really convicted on my part.

I spoke with a friend today at church and we both stated in the conversation how we will allow men to treat us poorly, tolerate it, try and change ourselves to be better because we blame ourselves for it, and beat ourselves up for everything that goes wrong, but if our kids are mistreated all hell breaks loose.   I was convicted.  What kind of example do I want to leave for my daughter and my sons?  Why is it okay for someone to treat me poorly but not my kids? The way I allow a man to treat me is the way my daughter will allow men to treat her and the way my boys will treat women.  What am I letting my kids see? This is challenging because I'm not married.  My dating life - though the majority of it will initially be done out of sight of my kids, at some point they will meet whoever I end up with in the future and what kind of guy will that be?  I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I've approached dating in a somewhat selfish way not really looking at the long term, not really thinking "What if my boys turn out like him?" and "Does he treat me how I want my daughter to be treated?"  Those two questions are game-changers for me.   I don't ever want to be accused of being a diva-princess that thinks that no man is good enough for me (and I don't think I am one) but I do want to be more future minded and intentional about the kind of men I allow in.   I have no business dating if I can't approach it from a group mindset - what is best for ALL of us.

Maybe this is just common sense for most women, actually,  I'm sure it is. In fact, I'm guessing most people reading this are thinking "you JUST figured this out?"  Well.....I have heard it before, but it really just "clicked" for me recently. For someone like me, someone who's "picker" is broken, it's a new mindset, a new way of approaching relationships, and I'm hopeful that my remembering what really matters in men will make a difference.   

There are good men out there, I believe it.