Just You and Me Here Now

This post has been mulling through my mind for a few days and I just haven't been able to sit down and put it all into words.  I had to process where God was taking this and what he was trying to say before I typed it all up and made a mess of it.

Maybe you know the scriptures in Proverbs that talk about "the multitude of counselors."  In case you don't: Proverbs 15:22 "Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed."  and Proverbs 11:14 "Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory."

I have been thinking a lot on those scriptures. I'm one that can sometimes (okay, a lot of times) make foolish choices because I didn't seek advice on something.   It's something I've really worked towards changing in me.   Advice is a really good thing, it's actually something God wants us to do - heed the cautions and advice of counselors.

But recently I've found myself in a situation, a situation that I've sought advice on from a few different people, and a situation that I've received conflicting points of advice on.

This has happened to me before.  A little less than 4 years ago I was going through a situation with my ex-husband, we were separated and truthfully, staying with him seemed like the foolish thing to do.  He was dangerous and I had already been physically and emotionally hurt.  The advice I received from others mostly seemed of the "kick him to the curb and run for your life" variety.  With lots of variety being key here, hence the confusion.  Most of it was good advice.  But I can remember someone saying to me something along the lines of "This is all good advice Jess, but what is GOD saying to YOU right now?"  I didn't have an answer.  I had received a bunch of great, and Godly advice, but I hadn't heard God for me.

I remember sitting in my room with my Bible looking up to God and asking him what He wanted.  I had my music on shuffle and as I prayed this song by David Crowder Band came on and I cried as I listened to the words:

Take my heart, I lay it down

At the feet of you whose crowned

Take my life, I'm letting go

I lift it up to You who's throned

And I will worship You, Lord

Only You Lord

And I will bow down before You

Only you Lord

Take my fret, take my fear

All I have, I'm leaving here

Be all my hopes, be all my dreams

Be all my delights, be my everything

And it's just you and me here now

Only you and me here now

The "It's just you and me here now" hit me right in the heart.  It really was just God and I in that moment and I can remember feeling His presence there with me so strongly.

It was then that I was finally able to pray "God, not my will for my marriage, but Your will, I give it all to You. If being married is what You have then so be it, and if not, I trust You."

The thought went through my head of "I'm probably going to really upset some people if God tells me to take him back. Again."  But I took the leap of faith, pushed aside my fear of man, and surrendered it all to Him, trusting that even if the worst happened He had me in His hand.  

That was the biggest leap of faith I ever took in my life and it was a roller coaster from that point forward. I started to listen to God, on my own, for what seemed like the first time in my life.  

The ride landed me on a red-eye flight to San Francisco, a coked out husband in a seedy hotel, a 3 day motorcycle ride and me learning how to walk out forgiveness when someone really doesn't deserve it.  (But that is another long story).

A lot of people were mad at me for months about my choice.  Especially when it ended up with me pregnant and living in a women's shelter.  It seemed like my "not listening to advice" had landed me in a bad spot.  But then, as all the pieces started to fall into place it became apparent to all involved that God had worked a major miracle in my family.  I still think back to that point in time and feel like it's one of the few moments in my life where I actually did something right.   Most of the times I'm pretty messy and stupid about my choices, but that?  I am SO grateful that I stopped and heard God for me.  When He said "Forgive"  I did.  Because of God's direction, my kids and I are no longer in an abusive home.   (On a side note because I feel I have to say it -  I don't believe that God expects people to stay in abusive marriages. God miraculously protected me in that brief reunification that happened, and it served a purpose.....God had a plan.  I feel like I have to say that though because I would NEVER want someone to go back into something violent and dangerous because of me sharing this.  This was a specific situation and for a specific purpose. Side note over and out.)

That's kind of a long rabbit-trail to get to the point of this post.

I'm at that spot again in my life, not with a relationship, but with life decisions. That point where I've sought advice, listened to advice and just been a little bit confused.   

A friend asked me the other day when I voiced how confused I was about something else I was dealing with "Well...what did GOD say to you about it?"  I had to stop and think about it for a minute but I was able to answer.  

I want to be stopping and thinking about it always.  God does speak through others.  There are scriptures about it.   Advice is a good thing.  But sometimes you get to that point where you have to escape from all the well-intentioned voices, you have to stop the thought process that wonders which person you'll upset the least when you don't listen to their advice.  (Yeah....I've thought it.) You just have to stop and seek God for what HE has for you in that moment.  And fear not, because He is with you.   

That is where I am at right now. I have listened to a lot of great advice and taken it all into consideration, I'm seeking God for what He has by praying, reading, and listening to Him.  I still don't have the answers, but I do know one thing: It's peaceful here.