Stopping the Echoes

A friend mentioned to me recently the concept of spiritual "echoes." It was a concept I knew of but hadn't heard put that way before. As I watched and took note, I saw this echo concept unfold right in front of me. When you decide to clean up shop spiritually, it seems that whatever sin you are trying to get out of your life will leave, but later will try and echo back into your life. It's familiar, it's easy, and when your guard is down BAM! You're right back in it. Echoes are a problem for me. As I've already discussed in previous posts, it's the "two steps forward, one step back" thing that kills me. I'd like to be further away from my issues than what I really am. For almost all of the last year I'd been trying to take steps away from a sin-issue in my life, but it kept echoing and echoing and echoing. The good part was that each time I took a step away the echoes seemed to get slower and slower, until they almost completely stopped. The bad part was that those echoes shredded my heart when they did come. This week I think the last echo "echoed." I've wanted to say that for a long time, but have never been able to. I'm not PMS'ing, but I think I spent more time crying this week than I have since last summer. But it was a good kind cry. Tears of closure, healing and grief over my own sin. I ran into my friend Carlianne this week at a coffee shop. It happened that we both had some time to visit, and I ended up baring my soul, sharing my heartache and ultimately crying in public. I shared my ongoing struggle and how I haven't been able to get out. Until this week. We talked for almost two hours and when it was all said and done, I felt such freedom and relief and no judgement at all. She encouraged me to go find a quiet place to talk to God about it all and clear my head. I did just that. I felt cobwebs lift from my brain and things came into focus, things that should have been in focus all along. It hurts to have the door closed, but the hurt comes from my own mistake, particularly the mistake of not closing all the doors so there could be no echoes ages ago. Also this grief that I'm feeling over my own sin? My friend Linda pointed out to me that it's a good thing because it means that I am becoming more sensitive to God's voice in my life. There is no condemnation in it, just a strong conviction and the knowledge that the warning's He gave me last year were there for my own heart's sake. He will definitely be there next time around to guide me and protect me. Next time I hope that I listen better. I'm so thankful that God loves me in a way that far exceeds any human kind love.

(Just a random photo of my baby and his dog.....so much love right here.)