Change

When I think of where I was in 2010 and where I am now, a lot has changed.

I mean besides the obvious divorce and accompanying drama. 

I've changed.  My heart has changed.  My desires have changed.

When I came back from Africa in 2010, my heart was broken but in the best way possible.  I looked at the world differently and I was married to someone that would never get it.  

My world fell apart as he fell apart and then God held me and kept me together as I watched him self destruct.  I don't even recognize the person he is now.  I'm probably unrecognizable too.

Africa changed me.  Surviving abuse changed me. Living in a women's shelter changed me.  Testifying in a rape case changed me. Having to rely on state assistance for a season?  That really changed me.  

In 2010 I was most engaged and excited when I was talking about photography.  I could go for hours discussing lenses and cameras and photoshop techniques.  I was ridiculously passionate about it all. 

Life changed.

Now?  The things that fire me up have to do with justice, poverty, violence against women and children and what we can do about it. I get all sorts of fired up and excited. 

I guess I'm realizing that while I still love what I do, God is pulling me towards something that involves more than f.stops.  

I've been feeling the pull for awhile now.  

I'm not planning on leaving my job, I still love what I do.  But I'm realizing that the idea of throwing a bunch of extra time and money into being some ridiculously amazing creative photographer doesn't excite me like it used to.  It's still a creative outlet for me, yes.  And I do love it.  But I know things are changing.

What I've gone through is not unique.

What I've gone through is pretty damn disgusting.

I will be real.  I will speak out.  I will tell it like it is.  If I am silent, this fight was for nothing.  

I don't know what this looks like, but I know I'm excited about it.

Whatever it is that God is calling me towards, I want to say "yes."  

It's time for me to dream again, and this time my dreams are a lot bigger than pretty photos.  

So here I go....

The exact path isn't clear yet.  But  things are going to be changing. I may have been kicked down for a season, but I'm on my feet again, and I will fight for justice. 

I would love prayer and even advice.  God has given me big dreams, and it's a little intimidating.