This week we had court again and things didn't exactly go like I had hoped. They didn't go terrible, but they didn't go great.
Essentially I get to continue on in this state of limbo. I get to keep fighting, keep hoping, and keep advocating for my kids with everything in me.
I was hoping for closure. I'd love to close this door to my past and my ex. But God must have more to teach me in the current and exhausting state that I am.
I don't know what the future holds. Then again, no one does.
I do know this: I will do EVERYTHING I legally can to protect my kids.
I've spent more time on the phone with therapists and attorneys this week then anything else. I haven't received my legal statement yet for the month, but I know it's coming and it's not going to be pretty.
And at this point, despite the chaos and the money troubles, all I can do is stop and thank God.
Whatever happens, good or bad, God has given me over 4 years to recover and help my children recover. We are different people, stronger people then we were in 2010. My older two both have thriving relationships with God. I find my oldest boy frequently on his knees in his room with his little devotional bible and Olivia? She is hungry and poetic and her soul is just beautiful.
I have to trust that even if my worst nightmare comes true that their faith is going to stand. Because in the grand scheme of things, that is what matters. I've surrendered my kids to God. I know how desperately and madly I want to protect them, and I know that God wants that even more so then I do.
Even though I have no idea what the next few months look like, I trust God. He has complete control and even in the worst of situations he can still make beautiful things happen.
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