Breakthrough's

I've been rather quiet on here lately.  A lot has been going on in my life but I've had to mostly (at least temporarily) internalize things rather than share what has been going on.  I've been trying to think of how to put things into words and every time I sit down to my laptop to type it all up, my words fall short and I'm left in the silent processing of what it is that God is doing in my life.   I already know my words are going to fall short, but I need to try anyways, so bear with me.

Lent - it ended Thursday.  I successfully made it 40 days mostly without caffeine.  I will confess I ordered a whiskey and coke when I went out to have a drink with a friend forgetting that coke has caffeine.   I didn't sleep much that night, my heart was racing and I was physically shaking from the caffeine....and I only had one!  I also messed up on the fast food thing a few times without even thinking about it.  What I realized from all of this?  How much more I want God's thoughts to be forefront in my mind.  I was more than once casual and forgetful about what I was doing, not thinking, not caring, not even remembering.   It humbled me to realize how careless my thoughts can be - not that it was some sin to have caffeine or fast food (it wasn't) but that I could forgot so easily that I had agreed to not partake in something as a reminder of Christ's great sacrifice for me.   

I'm also re-realizing the power of prayer.   I've been meeting every Monday with a wonderful lady that is helping me work through some of my issues.  To say that my faith has been increased over the last 2 months would be a total injustice to what it is that I am learning.  We've tackled different issues and topics nearly every week and in one way or another things have moved and shifted in my life like I have never seen.  I'm struggling to put into words what God has worked in and out and around me.   It's reconnecting with my first love, finally being able to rest in His peace, knowing that His heart is for me, knowing that my doubt, my anger towards Him, my rebellion, my great sin? It is no more and it is forgiven.  It's finally being able to raise my hands in worship of my Savior again after struggling with even looking at Him for nearly a year.   

That last one?  How do I put into words the relief and joy I feel at finally being able to say and believe that He is good and in turn raise my hands and worship Him.  

In some areas I feel healed and in others I'm finally seeing the hope of being healable. 

The labels I've put on myself don't carry the bondage that they used to anymore.  The wounds are becoming scars.   I'm standing up for myself in areas that I've never had the courage to stand up in before.   

I'm breaking free. 

There is so much more I could write.  But my words fall short and I'm about to go back to my silent internalization of the things God is working in and around me.   

Happy Easter!