I do and it's where I'm at at this moment.
Most of this spring I felt like my walk with God was reviving and growing by leaps and bounds. Granted, I had some steps backwards and made mistakes. And some pretty big ones at that. But I kept pushing forward and trying and I could see the progress. My attitude was better, my emotions were together, I was staying away from guys altogether and I just felt spiritually healthy.
But somewhere this summer I hit a wall. At first I thought that maybe it was because I tried to date again and that distracted me from God. But that's not it. Because I'm back to not dating and I'm still feeling like I hit a wall.
I'm really busy right now, the kinda busy that I think other single moms would get. Busy days, lonely evenings.
Quiet time, focusing on on God? It's hard to find that place. I keep trying and I fall asleep when I try. That's embarrassing to admit. But that is what has happened the last few times. Granted, it has a lot more to do with having to be up between 3:30 and 5 am most days than my attention span.
It's frustrating when you know Gods voice and no matter what you do you can't seem to hear Him in your life. I'm at that spot again where I'm asking Him where He is and why I can't feel Him and I'm greeted with silence.
I know this isn't forever. I've been in this spot before. But I'd like it to be over.
I'd like that joy and excitement to be back.
I know that sometimes continuing to go through the motions and just asking God to reveal Himself to you in new ways will do it.
And maybe it would.
But I'm writing it out and posting it this time. I know a lot of people pray for me and my little family. We're really blessed in that area. So if you think of us, and me, right now, I'd love to break through this spot I've been in and be able to feel again.
I'm numb at the moment. And maybe that IS God's grace for me because of what is going on. Maybe He knows that if I felt everything in life that I should be feeling or normally would be feeling that I would collapse. I don't know the answer, but I'm going to keep trying to figure it out.
